Bring Back the Book: Peers of an Expired Empire

By Nwachukwu Egbunike 

In Nigeria, you must capture the essence of your being by the number of titles you been able to acquire over the years. “Former special assistant, formerly choir master, etc” expresses the clout of the bearer. And such is the current ruforufo fight between two former public servants of the Federal Republic. To think that they are throwing arrows at each other just because of an ordinary book, haba!

These two super intelligent warriors of a stale empire have taken to the streets and their disciples have since joined their fight. Wahala started with an autobiographical fiction that the twitter king’s pen wrote. In his accidental hagiography, he revealed the backsides of his former peers. And not only that, his book attacked the retired emperor, the former deputy emperor and all those who were in the inner kitchen. The only innocent one was the author.

The master consolidator could not bear it. Being as canny as the twitter king, he wrote a powerful essay in which he accused the accidental author of being an intellectual fraud. Although some parts of the consolidator’s article read like a self-incensing compressed CV. But that is a story for another day. However, the consolidator hit the twit king by questioning the source of his copious quotations. It is either the accidental author, had a tape recorder or employed a ghost stenographer during the conversations he quoted in his book.

The certified ruffler of feathers/author responded that his quotations came from journals/diaries he kept while in office. Obviously from the day he was appointed, he knew he will one day make a book and thus religiously wrote down all his conversations. And since he has a first class degree, who dares challenge his photographic memory? Never mind that his editors made a mess of the book, inserting factual errors to the narrative. These dump editors sef!

The master consolidator (who also has a first class degree) has promised to also write his own book. In that we will get the full picture of his epic consolidation solution that spared Nigeria the agony of the global financial meltdown. In that book – which I anticipate will be like the fiction written by his colleague, the tweet king – the solution master will lay to sunlight his magic. How banking in Nigeria sailed off to the cliff, hitting the benchmark of impressive paper-only consolidation. Don’t believe what that Prince of Kano did – it was only a vendetta in rehearsal and beef – since his intellect can never match that of our itinerary professor.

By the way, I write and make books for a living… So just in case, any other member of the expired, reigning or future empire decides to tell his or her story, I hereby volunteer my services. I offer very flexible editing that indemnifies political authors from factual errors that fly into their manuscript after publication. Don’t worry; it will be part of the publishing agreement and will be duly covered by a reasonable fee. That will be my “little” contribution in bringing back the book! Ndi ala! 

4 Comments

    1. I didn’t call anyone’s name, but you are free to interpret as you wish. That’s your wahala, I mean na you sabi…🙂

      Reply

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