Five SANs Are “Incompetent”: So What?

By Nwachukwu Egbunike

I cannot understand why some people are so wicked. Yes, how else can one explain the spilt bile since the news of your miraculous discharge and acquittal made headlines?

These jobless boys and girls – no respectable adult wastes time in such nonsense – on Twitter and Facebook have been spewing venom since you were released. The way they have been exposing their fangs one would have thought that you have already been found guilty. Or is a man no longer innocent until proven otherwise? No mind them jo, na bad belle!

Their grudge is that the judge said that the five SANs representing the persecution are incompetent. And so what? If a ‘learned’ judge decides that some ‘learned’ SANs are incompetent, then what’s the noise all about? Are they saying that you are so powerful that you have poured those words into the judge’s mouth: “They weren’t diligent. They wanted to delay the procedures of the court”.

These internet warriors that are now drinking Panadol for another man’s headache. Pray, where were they when the SANs were playing jangilova with the judge? They did not talk, they were dumb, ehhh? When the High Judge now come vex, and shouted ‘Enough is Enough, the SANs are hereby dissolved’, they have suddenly recovered their voices. Don’t mind them jare, they only know how to ‘occupy’ the mouth, yeye people!

Anyway, that’s not really an issue; I have already started midnight prayers for these people. As you can imagine, I am using my favourite – Psalm 109.  What is paramount now are preparations for the thanksgiving service. I would suggest that you choose the church and the minister carefully.

To start with, we have to avoid loquacious parsons who cannot control their vocal cords. You remember what happened to Grandpa George. This means that any controversial man or woman of God should conduct the service that day. For one, I know you will never approve of that jerry-curled man who turned the Bible upside down recently. Neither do you wish your service to be dominated by any dominion – be it land, sea or air!

It’s just that the judge did not finish his work. Had it been that he also gave a ruling that the ownership of your bank be restored, then our joy would have been complete. Nonetheless, it is well! I still think you should adopt the same colour that was used during Asiwaju’s owambe. Didn’t you see how regal he looked, with the governors and their wives all decked in the same aso-ebi?

We would have to close down Abuja. That is the only way to ensure that all the important people can easily come for your thanksgiving without any fear of bombs. Besides, that will prevent noise makers from even dreaming of gate crashing.

Before I conclude, you know that these agents of darkness do not sleep. They will stop at nothing to see you disgraced. Please, please, don’t travel out of Naija! Don’t go to Dubai or London. They orchestrate phantom charges against you and with the connivance of these Imperialistic agents will hang it over your neck.

I will stop here for now. We will continue to praise the Most High, who has saved you from the claws of your enemies. Praise the Lord…


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